So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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