But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girls should come with a carfax report
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
