this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
