I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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