you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am available for nakedness
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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