currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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