found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
