Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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