In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish my penis had a tongue
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
