all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
