I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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