Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
