just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
