He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
