Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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