somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she woke up with a sticky ear
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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