We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
