Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
