I faked an abortion last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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