did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
