90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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