I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
