the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
