Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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