Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
