I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
