if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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