yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
