i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
