I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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