The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
