Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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