i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
