If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
