I am in a vortex of obligation.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
