Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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