Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
