the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
