I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
