i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
