Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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