Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
