If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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