everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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