Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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