You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
