Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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