Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
