doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
