Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
